What is the essential ingredient for all successful communication? How do you gain trust and confidence of the other person? What enables you to gather more effectively the information you want?
The essential ingredient is rapport. But how do you establish it? Here are the steps for establishing rapport …
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Decide on your outcomes. Why do you need to make contact with the other person? All behaviour is outcome-related, so set the outcomes you want from the conversation and adopt an attitude and position that will gain you those outcomes.
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Get the other person talking. Take it easy. There’s no urgency about getting to the point. Let the conversation flow.
Use the 3QRQ model, that is, ask 3 questions, listening carefully to the answers, then make a response so you can disclose something about yourself, and then ask another question to get more information.
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Listen, listen, and listen. Listen and observe what type of words the other person is using. These words might fit the categories of visual, auditory or kinesthetic. Some visual words are look, see, and picture. Some auditory words are listen, hear, sound, beat. And some kinesthetic words are feel, hold, grasp, hot, and so on. Most people show a preference for one particular type, so make a note of what s/he prefers to use. Observe his or her physical behaviour and body language and notice what is striking about it.
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Mirror the behaviour. Listen to the other person’s voice tone, tempo, and pitch. These will indicate their internal state, that is, are they confident, agitated, excited, nervous, tense, shy. Now mirror the other person’s posture and breathing in a way that does not show to the other person that you are doing so. S/he must not be aware of your actions. When you do this well, the other person will begin to feel at ease in your company.
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Mirror language. If the person uses visual language, try to replicate that language. When they use particular word categories, follow that trend. You will find that they will begin to feel comfortable in your presence.
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After pacing, lead. After mirroring behaviour and language, then test for rapport. You can do this by changing one of the body language positions and/or by changing some of the language patterns. Then observe to see if the other person follows your lead by changing their behaviour and voice patterns. This response could take up to 30 seconds. When you can observe this happening, then you have established rapport. If your lead is not followed, continue to mirror in both language and body posture, then re-test.
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Gather the information you want. Now that you’ve established rapport, ask the questions that will provide you with the answers or information that you want. Once you’ve gained rapport, it’s now much easier to obtain information you may not have previously gained access to.
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Conclude. As your conversation draws to a close, ensure that the other person has enjoyed it as much as you by ending on a positive note. Because you have taken the trouble to gain rapport, the other person will feel good about the conversation. Ensure your discussion ends on a bright note and this will act as a good anchor or stimulus for when you next meet in the future.
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 Author: Ricky Lien
Ricky is an accomplished trainer and consultant in developing individual and team performance. He is a highly regarded change agent for both his wisdom and in using skills from his professional engagements in sales, marketing, management and leadership sectors.
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