Good work relationships when people are able to stay calm and focused, connect to others in ways that attract and inspire, accurately read others, skilfully employ humour, and successfully resolve conflict.
With stress on the rise, however, it’s often very difficult to cope. Many people are feeling the pressure of having more work to do and less resources to do it with. If we are to perform under pressure and avoid being overwhelmed by mounting challenges, good social and emotional intelligence are essential.
Most of us have learned not to trust our emotions. We've been told our emotions distort the more “accurate” information our intellect supplies. The term “emotional” has come to mean weak, out of control, and even childish. However, intellectual intelligence (IQ) in reality is less important than EQ in determining how successful we are. People who are academically brilliant but socially inept are generally unsuccessful. What EQ provides is the ability to communicate deeply and effectively, because approximately 95% of what we communicate is nonverbal and emotionally driven.
EQ is the ability to understand and use our emotions in a positive and constructive way. It's about engaging others in ways that brings out the best in them while building strong relationships. EQ is also about understanding our own emotional state, the emotional states of others, and having clear influential communication. |
EQ is a set of personal and interpersonal skills that can be learned in early childhood. Our primary caregiver, usually our mother, is instrumental in our mental, emotional, physical, and intellectual development. This first relationship creates a template for our emotional behaviours that we automatically rely on throughout life. This behaviour is learned, but we can continue to acquire the skills of EQ even in our adult lives.
Our ability to think is impaired when stress hits our nervous system. Stress triggers automatic “fight-or-flight” responses, when rational thinking and decision making goes out the window.
The best way to reduce stress is through the senses: through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. We need to find what is soothing to us. For some, certain kinds of music, to another fragrance, or it can be as simple as a picture of our loved one. Ask yourself what soothes you, and create that around your desk or office.
Anyone who has experienced early-life traumas, such as loss, abuse or isolation, has been displaced emotionally. Such people can distort, deny and numb the emotions, but they cannot eliminate them, even though they may not be aware of them consciously. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or communicate effectively with others. In order to be emotionally healthy we must reconnect to our core emotions.
55 to 93 % of all communication is non-verbal. Nonverbal communication is emotionally-driven communication that answers the questions: “Are you listening?” and “Do you understand and care?” Answers to these questions are expressed in the way we talk, listen, look, move and react. Our nonverbal messages will produce a sense of interest, trust, excitement, and desire for connection – or they will generate fear, confusion, distrust, and disinterest.
Humour lightens our burdens and helps us to keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and improves brain functioning. When you laugh together, communication is more effective, relaxed, and memorable.
- Laughter and play enable us to overcome annoyances, hard times, and setbacks.
- Humour helps us say things that might be difficult without creating misunderstanding.
- Creativity frees us of rigid ways of thinking, allowing us to see things in new ways.
Conflict in relationships can be a serious blow to teamwork and camaraderie. Two people cannot always have the same needs, opinions and expectations. Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen the trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.
- Stay focused in the present. Holding on to old hurts and resentments does not help.
- Choose your arguments. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not. Agree to disagree sometimes. Move on.
- Forgive. Conflict resolution involves burying the past.
There is a world of difference between knowing how you want to react and actually responding that way. When stressed and under pressure you find yourself on auto-pilot. The brain becomes overwhelmed and limits your actions to running, fighting, or freezing. If you want to respond differently under pressure, the learning process must engage EQ, where we respond using sensory experience – that is what is seen, heard, and felt. People at work will always remember how you made them feel!
|
Author: Leslie Choudhury